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I keep trying to write this but the delete button won’t be quiet. I’m not sure where I am at. There is a battle between habit (OHNOWHATIF) and the part of me that has the capacity for logic, reason and faith. In actual practice, the hysteria is winning. I’m anxious as hell and I feel sick all the time. Yesterday I thought I was having a heart attack.

But still there in the background sits Faith. Quietly gaining – not strength but something. It’s like a parent who waits for the child to settle itself. The parent is not stronger, exactly, than the child but it knows more and doesn’t need to participate in

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I’m not done yet.

I’ve never been good with the not knowing. I could totally have faith if I knew exactly for sure how things would turn out. And that makes Faith chuckle. Faith is patient with my lack of understanding. I wish Faith would get riled up and smack me around a little. Faith needs

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I knew I was right when I told him this. I also knew I’d

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