I’ve had a bit of a time lately. Stress, family brand. I’ve tried to write about it several times but it’s so uninteresting, really. How do you make my sister is mean to me sound like anything mroe than grade eight wimpering? I should be over it by now.

But I am so not. The past few weeks have been yet another opportunity to consider my own role in the several crazy family relationships I am a part of. And the fact that these people would see fault in me if I had cash money flying out my ass and directly into their bank accounts. Because ew, money from a bum? I want different money. Get me different money. Nothing is good enough for these people.

I’ve spent the better part of my life trying to please people who, ultimately, don’t really have any interest in finding me pleasing. There is something to be said for the fact that they need to not like me, really, on any sort of actual human level and while that’s so not okay, it has to be okay. Because I think the time has come for me to just say alright lookit, I don’t return phone calls (and other deep horrible failings on my part) but I’m okay with that.

I Like Myself Because I’m Me.

As long as that’s okay with you.

It’s ridiculous to sit here saying there are people in the world who intimidate me, but there you have it. They are the people I grew up with (and their spouses). I am intimadted by the fears and insecurities of my brothers and sister.

Rather, I was. Because the time has come. Another attempt at letting that go. Have never had any luck til now but I think I’m ready. Fingers crossed.

Because waking up in the middle of the night last night anxious about what they think of me? That was stupid and never ever again.