honesty*rain

Me: Jacob, do these underwear still fit you or are they too small?

Jacob: (confused, as though has been asked to define the theory or relativity) Uh, I don’t know.

Me: You were just wearing them an hour ago.

Jacob: ?

Me: Okay, I’ll decide.

Jacob: Good.

***

Me: Madison, do these underwear still fit you or are they too small?

Madison: Well, Mommy, they fit me at the bottom but not on the top and the sides squish me like this but not like this and when I wear the blue skirt they twist sideways but not when I wear the orange skirt or the green pants. When I wear the green pants they fit nice but not when I wear jammies.

Me: So, should we keep them?

Madison: I think yes. But only for two more weeks. And then we should go to the store and buy me new ones maybe with princesses on them. And new shoes. Remember those ones with the sparklies on them? I like those.

Jake is six. My first born child is SIX YEARS OLD. Which, if you ask him, means he is almost ready to learn how to drive. And if you ask me, he’s not a baby anymore. Like at all. Waa.

We’re having his friends birthday party right away and lo but have i been weird. I’ve been (my new favorite word) a weirdie. Obsessing about EVERY LITTLE THING. And I use all caps there because in my mind these little things have been crazy mchuge MASSIVE. Especially at, say, 4am.

Is that not the stupidest thing you EVER heard? Hmm. I know.

But later I will post phoographs. Of the not little boy. Waa.

Remember when I used to be witty? I did. I used to funny. And regluarly too, not just once every sixteen weeks. Not that you can find the funny because my archive is sorta, well gone. But trust me, the funny used to be. I used to make the funny.

Now I make the nothing. With, actually, greater regularity than I did the funny. So content is down but consistency, up.

Today I wondered when it would be that the few people who still check this site will just stop bothering. Because you know that day will come. Not that I want it to because I totally love you guys. The way you love people you essentially ignore and never talk to anymore. Like a husband of mroe than fifteen years or your dog who stopped being the one you loved best as soon as you had real children.

It’s crossed my mind that I’d like to (as above) bring the funny back to its rightful place (here at honestyrain dot blah blah blah) but I swear to GOODNESS. I am not sure I have A) the time or B) the funny. I’m just not sure. My certainty, you see, is lacking!

I LACK CERTAINTY!

Anyway! Must go feel guilty about same while maybe drinking glass of wine and watching Des Housewives Season Finale. Because even though I have not watched ALL YEAR I bet I can surmise the season from this end.

Glass of wine, I come to you now.

ps, whatever else, we need the ‘fucking categories’ category back. WHATEVER ELSE.

i don’t know where i’ve been, grey’s anatomy wise, because i like the show and never ever miss an episode but rarely look forward to it with the same enthusiasm i once did. largely because i just have so little time to even think about watching tv anymore. which? weird!

but then just now i was looking at the guide trying to figure out which shows were new and whatever and lookit! grey’s is two hours long tonight. i think i had a little orgasm in my panties. while trying to catch my breath. it was practically an r-rated moment. which? weird!

so anyway, how are you lot? i think i’ve started writing my novel. which? weird!

two hours! grey’s! renewed anthusiasm! of an orgasmic variety, it would seem.