honesty*rain

I’ve been asked by the lovely cybervassals to write for a fun new site she’s concocted. if they weren’t celebrities pokes fun at the absurdity of the celebrity news machine by suggesting that if it were anyone else, this wouldn’t be news. I mean, who cares if Paris Hilton spent ten minutes in jail? If some guy called Vinnie did the same we’d never hear about it.

My first article is here. It’s a freakin’ thrill a minute.

So check us out and have a laugh at the expense of people who are treated as though they matter a whole bunch, but really? Don’t.

one, i cannot pole dance worth a damn.

two, it takes a lot to get me drunk these days.

three, i shouldn’t drink shooters.

four, i am so not ever drinking again.

five, until my short term memory forgets.

My brother is getting married in two weeks. I have no idea how it went from my brother is getting married in two months to my brother is getting married in two weeks because I never meant to be so close to go time without the dress I planned to wear hanging in my closet.

But that’s a whole ‘nother bit of business.

First, the stagette. Which is next Friday and I now have the evening’s itinerary.

630: dinner

800: to nearby hotel (with lovely spa) where there is a room rented and pole dancing classes being taught in samesaid room to gaggle of drunk girls. Please prepare self to hear laughter all the way from where you are. Prepare to be kept awake by same.

But i have always wanted to learn.

1000: Limobus picks up gaggle of drunk now pole dancing capable girls for tour of nightclubs and more (no, duh) consumption of alcohol.

Later: back to hotel for more in house merriment. By this time I expect I will be about ready to go home. Because, honestly? Really? More? How could there be more? Plus, Dan will have installed a pole in our bedroom by then and so I will have to show off my newfound talents as soon as I get home.

The stag is tomorrow. I wonder if the guys are going to learn some sort of Full Montyesque moves to share when they get home. I mean our party keeps on giving. What is their silly paint ball going to do for us girls? Long term?

I haven’t been posting our weekly menus and for that I am sorry. More than that, I have not been creating weekly menus. For which I am even more the sorry. We’ve been winging it and winging it sucks. Back to the menus. A short week.

Thursday
Dinner: baked chicken, seasoned brown rice, corn on the cob
(we have a store here that has awesome corn on the cob even though it’s not currently in season)

Friday
Lunch: Sammiches on fresh multigrain panini buns
Dinner: Spaghetti Alla Caprese

Saturday
Lunch: Tuna and Bocconcini Bruschetta
Dinner: Fries and tofu hot dogs (Dan is going out for dinner so it’s just me and the kids)

Sunday
Lunch: Blue caesar (with chicken)
Dinner: Portobello Mushroom and Canadian Swiss Pizza
Sunday Dessert: frozen yogurt, fresh fruit and chocolate chip cookies OR lemon cream cake

Well since the weekend (Sunday only really because we didn’t have the wood Saturday and so there wasn’t really much happening that day other than waiting around, drinking coolers and going ‘I wonder when they’ll deliver the wood, I wonder’) we’ve had a total of 3 hours to work on the deck. With some portion of those three hours spent at Home Depot picking up supplies they forgot to include in our deck building kit. It’s so handy how they plug your deck design into the handy computer and pop out a handy list of supplies so you don’t have to think but then look, they forgot this and this and this and also, that. It’s excellent. Quite convenient and also, totally accurate. And handy!

The deck is not finished. Is what I am trying to say. But any day now. Oh any day. Next photo I post will be of me sitting on it at sunset enjoying a glass of wine. Or a reasonable facsimile.

And so, I present for your enjoyment, a rather ambitious undertaking:

LIVE BLOGGING THE BUILDING OF OUR BACK YARD DECK, with photos AS WE GO because hardy har har ya right photos as we go!

Installment the first, Hi! It’s Sunday morning and as Dan collects whatever nonsense he thinks we might need in the building of a backyard deck, I decided to start blogging the entire affair because while I will be actually physically assisting in said building while also looking after two children (aged 6 and almost 4) and doing laundry (I do laundry on weekends and laundry waits for no man to build his damned deck), I also feel I can blog it, with photos.

I understand that some of you will not be returing for installment two because you just fell off your chairs from the fits of laughter (because as if I am going to live blog anything let alone photos) and have fallen dead from having banged your head on something hard. Which is your own damned fault. Who puts hard things so near the computer area? It’s anarchy.

photos 1: before anything happened.

Can you imagine the sadness of it all? That we have actually been living that way? On gravel? As though we were, whaddayoucallit, gravel livers? It’s really just pathetic.

Then things were delivered and put places and lo, Photo 2:

And haha, see. Photos!

Installment two: Leger board section one has been attached to house! Took two hours! We will be done in 2027! Hazzah!

Photo 3 in this fascinating series: this was taken by me from inside the house and was originally upside down. I flipped it in Photoshop. My talents run into the thousands. You have no idea.

Am now making pizzas for lunch and reminding self to take load of laundry out of wash and put into dryer so that it does not get that nasty must smell that absolutely no one likes. Well, except for nasty musty smell loving freaks. Are you one? I may have a load of laundry for you to enjoy in an hour after I have forgotten my own reminder.

Installment 3! Have sprained ankle! Fell and twisted same while climbing down ladder where back stairs used to be! Am in pain! Am about to enjoy Smirnoff Ice! After I go pee and hobble back out to yard! No photos this installment!

Installment four i think: Am drunk and injured and what would this day be if only i’d been sober and not injured but am not so injured that am not correcting spelling arros only am not making spelling errors from injury so much as drink and lo but have not likely spelled one word right despite efforts to do so. Am in hurry. Eating dinner at neighbours and have to provide tomatoes. Fuck spelling anyway.

No photo this installment! But am taking camer with so you know, who knows.

Oh all of ledger board is on. And as Tommy would have it: W00T!