Remember the other day when I was going for a drink at a friend’s house after our nightly walk? Did I also say that I was not planning to eat dinner before I went? Because I’m nineteen and I don’t know any better. I also intend to get a job at the mall and spend all of my money on shoes at le chateau.

The night began innocently enough. I had a glass of water first because I was so thirsty from our walk and to be honest, I should have stopped there. I didn’t feel like drinking but being that I am a total putz I agreed to a glass of wine. Then another. And another. Until eventually I was weaving my sad way down the street at 1am.

The good news is that my friend Debbie is just as pathetic as I. We each drank an entire bottle of wine. I mean each. Not that I had any idea what was happening. I was not the one pouring the wine and didn’t even notice a second bottle had been opened. That is my defence: ignorance. Someone else must have put the gun in my hand, officer, I had no idea.

I drank the wine becuase the wine was given to me. And even though I knew by the very last SUPERFULL glass that I was so done I managed to choke down every last drop. I can only speculate as to how funny it was to watch me try to get my runners back on. They have laces. I bet I asked someone else to do them up. I don’t even know.

Debbie and I had no idea it was so late nor that we were so drunk. Sitting the entire time we drank gave ocassion for our bodies to think we were perfectly fine. Silly bodies, no. Debbie didn’t even realize we were unstable on our walk home whereas I was quite aware and certain that I managed to steady my gate. Turns out I was hysterically wrong. Dan had a friend leaving just as we hobbled up the road and lo if they did not find us amusing. I apparently asked his friend to take off my shoes when I got home.

Proudest moment in life: that one.

And the fact that I was drinking in my yoga pants.

I was pretty sure we’d embarrassed ourselves beyond repair with our new friend and was superglad that I had company in my jackassedness. You know you’ve got yourself a right good friend when they commit the same acts of silliness to share the humiliation. Thankfully we have not been shunned but I suspect we’ll never hear the end of it either and that’s okay. If you’re going to be a jackass you have to live with the consequences. Sometimes for more years than you could possibly imagine. I wouldn’t be surprised if they are still talking about it in 2025.

me (2025): No thanks, no more wine for me.
debbie (2025): Me either.
everyone else (2025): Hahaha as if. (pours wine)

Could’ve been worse. I could have ended up puking all night. Oh wait….