Madison has been having separation anxiety the past few weeks. She freaks the hell out if I try to leave the house. I try to leave the house almost every night to go walking with friends. She loses it. It breaks my heart, but I go.

Tonight I had an exercise class and she was basically fine. After one more kiss, one more kiss she aparently got on with things. We’re happy to see her starting to be herself a little again.

When I went up to change after I got home I saw a drawing on my bedside table. Butterflies and moths and on the page she’d written MoM. Because while I was away her heart was missing me and she wanted to let me know I was on her mind. When I think of her little self carrying her work up to my room to leave it for me to find I nearly about damned well explode from how much I love her. This little creature who tells me she loves me soooooooo much and means it. Means it hard. She loves me soooooo much.

I am the world to her. This girl who draws butterflies when she is missing her mom. I want to wake her up and squish her. I tell her I love her sooooo much too but it’s a lie. I love her way more than that. Way more times infinity plus even more than that. I think that’s what she means by soooooo. I know how she feels.

I will keep this butterfly picture forever and ever. And I will think of her carrying it up to put it on my bedside table so that I would think of her when I went to bed. As if I wouldn’t anyway.