You put on your jeans fresh from being laundered. They fit well, you can sit in them without wanting to smash someone in the head with a stick, you see your butt and think your butt looks good, you go out into public and are not constantly tugging at them to cover your godforsaken tummy.

And after wearing them once you think eww, they’re so loose now, i need to wash them again so they accentuate my ass and fit snug against my thighs.

You wonder who said that. Snug against my thighs? Who talks like that? And you realize, people who are finally thin enough, that’s who.

Finally.