I go into Jacob’s room this morning to adjust his radio so that it is playing an actual station.  After I do so he picks it up to bring it downstairs.

Jacob: I’m still in love with Riley (he says as though he’d been trying so hard not to be and is now confessing this with some reluctance).

Me: Yeah?

Jacob: And I need to take this and find a song for our – date.  

Me: …

Jacob: But we’ll have to have it outside.  Where we can see the stars from a tent that I’ll buy with my own money.

Me: (heart breaks into millions of son-loving pieces)

Jacob: …

Me: (hugging boy and gushing with love)

If he keeps this up into his teens the girls are gonna love him.  Tough but romantic.  Is there anything girls like better?  Anything?

school is officially under way. madison began kindergarten this afternoon while jacob started grade 2 last week. my children are finally in the same school and i am no longer driving for 2 hours a day to take someone to preschool. this is the freedom to which i refer and not as much the freedom from my children. i am certainly happy to be sitting on the sofa with my laptop and no one asking me for something to eat etcetera but i am even more glad that i am doing so without having to first drive to china and back. china was nice, don’t get me wrong, but damn, it’s a ways away.

my latest obsession is one that my mother, were she still alive, would have keeled over from the shock of. i am in near constant thought on all things culinary. i watch my cooking shows, i add to my recipe card collection on a near daily basis and almost drool at the thought of taking fifteen minutes to plan my weekly menu. given my abhorration of all things kitcheny as a child this comes as something of an anomoly. i certainly do not claim to be an impressive cook and i likely never will be but what i lack in perfection i more than make up for in mountains of enthusiasm.

i bought a mortar and pestle, for heaven’s sake. to be used in the crushing of things by hand. such as and not limited to herbs and garlic and nuts and whathaveyou.

there you have it. i would linger but i cannot. you see, my children are away and the recipe box beckons. i am making a two week menu. dan has requested home made ice cream sannies with hot fudge sauce for sunday dessert. i will grant him this wish. the people i love crave the foods that i make them.

mother? did i just hear you gasp?

last weekend dan went out of town for a friend’s wedding and when he got back i made him Ina Garten’s grown-up mac and cheese
with her creamy vinaigrette salad from the same episode. For dessert, also from that episode, the lemon curd tart which was quite good. i recommend all of these recipes whole heartedly and am happy we’ve finally found a mac and cheese worth making twice.

also, the lemon curd is nice on it’s own to spread on bread, toast, muffins or whatever. i made some again later in the week to make mini tarts for a party we were going to and used the leftover on bread for the kids today. really nice.

I’ve been wanting to chronicle the experience of raising a boy – the great, the less great and the hey! stop don’t jump off of that, are you daft! But every time I sit down to do so I find it difficult to get my thoughts in order.

I obviously had no idea what it would be like to have a boy. I wanted a girl for all of the usual reasons but was as much overjoyed when Jacob was born as if he had been a girl. In fact, I was admittedly excited to be mother to a boy. I knew my bond with him would be eternal and that he would teach me things a girl could not.

There have been challenges with Jacob and I”m not sure all of them have been because of his being male. He’s a lot like me, you see, and while I was a good child I was a constant source of dismay for my mother. This because I am relentless and not a little opinionated. I always tell people that Jacob is me, the jacked up version. He’s got the boy thing on top of what would already have been a rather strong willed personality. He’s got the desire to bash things about and jump on people when they are not expecting it. I wasn’t so much with the physical. I was more with the talkytalkytalk. I never understood why my mother found me so tedious.

I know now.

I really do want to write about my journey through mothering a boy but admit that I don’t know where to start. I don’t want to journal it so much as I want to chronicle it. I want to write about it and apply whatever wisdom I can glean from taking the time to think about it. I feel honored to be Jacob’s mother and I think in the past few years I’ve gotten so busy with the business of parenting that I’ve forgotten to really notice what I am doing. Jacob is an awesome kid who I know will be an awesome grown up person. I want to really put thought into how I’m raising him because some day he will be in a position to consider his childhood and I would like for him to think that I was present and thoughtful about being his mom.

1st good, I did it today! I did not shout at my children. Not even one single time. Today was a shout free day! This will seem all the more impressive when you get to the bad….

2nd good, my niece (11 years old) was in Seussical the Musical at her school tonight. She played the mayor’s wife and had the best costume in the entire show! She is such a performer (loves it) and I was so proud of her! We went to the show despite the bad which I will tell you about now-

the bad, I have the world’s most gigantic, bubbly, yucky cold sore. On my lip. Which is on my face. Which is on the front of me in plain sight for everyone to see. I have not had a cold sore in probably 6 years. Maybe 10. They are so awful, I cannot tell you and I am generally given to keeping myself to myself when I’ve got ‘em. I do not go out unless required to by law and when does law require me to leave my home? Never. I skip school, work, parties, and all public merry-making etcetera when I have a cold sore and feel no guilt whatsoever. I do not care to be seen and I am in no mood for people or their various personalities. I get a kind of flu-like pms thing going on when I have a cold sore. Illin’ and mad. And hideous! Best to stay out of my way. Something Madison is not terribly good at.

AND YET I DID NOT YELL AT HER!

AND YET I WENT OUT INTO PUBLIC TO SEE THE PLAY!

(applause)

I feel perfectly just in saying that I am better than you today. I have risen above. I am superior and if there’s to be medals awarded I get the first and shiniest one. Mine! Mine! Mine!

Now leave me lovely comments or I’ll post a picture of my cold sore and your eyes will burn up and die. BWA HA HA.