Last night we celebrated my 40th birthday with family and friends. Before you concoct an inaccurate visual, this was not a Trivial Pursuit slash cheese and crackers party. I might be forty but I ain’t old. No, this was a rattle the foundation affair chock full of madness and not a little mayhem.  Oh no, the mayhem was not small in either quality or quantity.  The mayhem was embarrassingly captured on whatever you say instead of saying ‘film’

Photographs were distributed via email and I can tell you that several party guests woke to find themselves forever remembered in half naked poses.  Oh dear.  Not me, though.  I would never.

Well, I would but on this occasion, I did not.

I have to tell you, just between us, this forty business is working out far better than I thought it would. I couldn’t explain it no matter how many hours you gave me to try, but I’m liking this.  It wouldn’t be inaccurate to say that U feel liberated and excited about the future and I wasn’t even in the market for liberation so how good is that?  

Oh man, I was all set to share a photo from the evening but it won’t upload. Sucks!  Whatever. Your loss. 

(Tommy, I can’t upload photos. How come that?)

1st good, I did it today! I did not shout at my children. Not even one single time. Today was a shout free day! This will seem all the more impressive when you get to the bad….

2nd good, my niece (11 years old) was in Seussical the Musical at her school tonight. She played the mayor’s wife and had the best costume in the entire show! She is such a performer (loves it) and I was so proud of her! We went to the show despite the bad which I will tell you about now-

the bad, I have the world’s most gigantic, bubbly, yucky cold sore. On my lip. Which is on my face. Which is on the front of me in plain sight for everyone to see. I have not had a cold sore in probably 6 years. Maybe 10. They are so awful, I cannot tell you and I am generally given to keeping myself to myself when I’ve got ‘em. I do not go out unless required to by law and when does law require me to leave my home? Never. I skip school, work, parties, and all public merry-making etcetera when I have a cold sore and feel no guilt whatsoever. I do not care to be seen and I am in no mood for people or their various personalities. I get a kind of flu-like pms thing going on when I have a cold sore. Illin’ and mad. And hideous! Best to stay out of my way. Something Madison is not terribly good at.

AND YET I DID NOT YELL AT HER!

AND YET I WENT OUT INTO PUBLIC TO SEE THE PLAY!

(applause)

I feel perfectly just in saying that I am better than you today. I have risen above. I am superior and if there’s to be medals awarded I get the first and shiniest one. Mine! Mine! Mine!

Now leave me lovely comments or I’ll post a picture of my cold sore and your eyes will burn up and die. BWA HA HA.

People are ass and only a rare few really matter. Some because they are birthed to your continuum of loved ones and others because they have been chosen. I chose Dan. He is the only chosen one. Everyone else is either ass or obsolete. Yeah, we’re friends, you and I, but be serious – am I honestly irreplaceable? I thought not.

Friends matter, don’t get me wrong, but only in the now and only for as long as they serve their purpose. I have friends who have children the same age as my own. I have friends who like to read the same books that I read. I have friends who drop their kid off at school the same time I drop mine off. These are good people (with a healthy serving of ass*) who I may like but am not committed to. And they can up sticks any time they like, I won’t care.

*this includes me. I do not deny that to others I am as much ass as they are to me.

Secretly, I might care and that’s why I am in huff to begin with but I’ll never admit it. Instead I am going to denounce the world at large and take to my bed in (melo)dramatic fashion. I feel like being sixteen today. This is my party and I’ll be a bitch if I want to.

Not that i don’t want you to have a lovely day. Have all the lovely you like. Just make sure you take it with you when you go. I’ve got a thing going on and I don’t need it messed with, got it?

All my love,

The surgery was a success. Insofaras, he did not die. I worried that he may have when he did not return from surgery as swiftly as I thought he would do. Imagine my relief when I saw him finally sitting there looking as though he’d been robbed of his brain and all I had left to take home was a zombie-like being. My zombie-like being. Oh how I missed him that one point five hours we were apart.

Seriously, I did.

He had some trouble breathing during the surgery but we did not get any more details. Like did they check his band for a DNR order and, seeing none, called a code blue! and crash carted him back to life? Or was it more of a hey, buddy, you alright or what? I bet the peeked over at him, shrugged and went about their business. Hernia doctors are not in the business of worrying about whether or not you can breath. For heaven’s sake, you have to book a Breathing Doctor for that. But we’ll never know what happened, either way. The surgeon sliced and dashed as Dan was his last patient before a three week holiday. I guess if Dan had not survived he may have taken the extra minute to come speak with me but who knows for sure. I’m glad I don’t.

He’s being laying in bed all day reading magazines brought in from the far reaches of some stupid pharmacy I could not find my way around. Also, he’s being fed. And watered. He’s like a pet, really. He lays in a sunbeam and I open doors for him when he needs to pee.

I had a hard time walking away as they rolled him into surgery. I wanted to crawl up on his bed and hug his be-gowned body. I didn’t really think I’d never see him again but you know, things happen. Besides, I’m supposed to be with him when he goes through stuff. I am not supposed to be in the cafeteria selecting an egg salad sandwich for late lunch. But thank goodness I was able to find one on whole wheat. I do not eat white bread. Gross.

Later today I’m going to tell you all about how I can’t wait until both of my kids are in the same school so I don’t have this major daily commute.

Oh wait. That’s pretty much the whole of it. Consider yourself told.