The other night I was laying in bed trying to sleep and began to cough. I was almost out when it started and nearly sat straight up from the surprise. Why should I be coughing? What is the meaning of this? That I’d been sneezing for the previous 24 hours gave me no reason to wonder if I might be unwell. I felt fine. Other than this sneezing and coughing nonsense.

And then on Tuesday it became apparent. The isolated symptoms gave way to malaise. I dared not tell Dan for fear that he would suddenly give over with the exact same illness. He has that ability. One minute completely fine and the next sick with the same thing you’ve got only much much worse.

So on Monday I went running which was logical as I may have been sick but had no actual idea such was the case. It was a good run.

On Tuesday I was definitely sick. I dropped Madison off at school and – this is the part you might find slightly absurd – went for a run. It was a good run.

For some reason as soon as I’m sick I am also hell bent on keeping my house compulsively tidy and have a strong desire to exercise faster, harder stronger than ever. I don’t usually run in winter. Yet I have gone twice since the sneezing started 3 days ago.

The strangest thing happened during yesterday’s run and this strangest thing convinced me running was the right thing to do: my hands, they were sweating profusely. Profusely means not just a little bit but a lot. In my mittens there they were creating little oceans of wet. But not just that, my whole body was oceany. Which I realize is not pretty but I adore sweating. Not your general run of the mill sitting around dripping for no reason sweating. That is not fun. I do not want to be at the opera in my ball gown sweating like I’m sitting directly on the equator at high noon (is that when the equator is hottest? I have no idea!). But having a good sweat in the steam room or after taking tylenol 3 while you are sick – that kind of sweating is just amazing to me. Sweating out of the toxins. So good for you.

Good for you.

Good for you.

Good for you.

Generally speaking, Dan and I have decided not to get sick anymore. I have to remind him of that when he looks at me like I am an open festering wound of germs that just oozed onto his pillow (oh the horror!). I have to remind him that he doesn’t need to spray me with antibacterial cleanser. He’s decided not to get sick. He will be okay.

I, on the other hand, hadn’t really decide not to get sick anymore and that is why I am sick. I decided I would not get sick some of the time. Because you see, sick is like holidays for me. I never really slow down but once I’m sick and stop running around sweating, I might sit down for a minute or two together and get the rest I haven’t been getting for what? the past 5 months?

Me: I thought the sweating of yesterday would mean not sick anymore today.

Dan: I thought it was a warning. A red flag. The body saying, Sit down, we’re not well.

Me: Nah.

(pause)

Me: I wish I had clean jammies.

Dan: We all wish that.

I am going to rest today. Which is to suggest that I am not taking any kids to school and will nto be getting out of my jammies for at least another half hour. I do have to do laundry because otherwise Jacob will have to go to school in his longjohns. Not that he’d mind. They’re pretty cool longjohns. And besides the laundry I’m sure I’ll end up doing something but will definitely not be going to my exercise class tonight. Probably. Maybe. I might go. I don’t like not going.

Something makes me think it’s not entirely the fault of the people around me that I don’t get enough down time. I suspect my personaily may also be at issue. But no, self blame benefits no one, especially me.

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.

Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 – 1900), “On Reading and Writing”

I would like to extend a warm embrace to not only the people I love but also to those who do not have someone with which the can snuggle up. I send those people the love they deserve, the love they are entitled to as human beings. Not everyone is with someone they love. Not everyone is with someone who loves them. Today those people have me sending them a cyber hug. It’s not the same thing, I know, but it’s heartfelt just the same.

Happy Valentine’s Day. It’s totally worth it to take a minute and really really feel the love you have for the people in your life. Go hug someone – even if it’s the guy in the next cubicle. You don’t know, maybe he really needs that hug. Maybe you do.

Dan, Jacob and Madison, I love you more than sunshine.

postscript: i have begun participating in love thursday and my first submission can be found here.

I lay on the couch. My eyes are closed and I feel spring. I hear the rain falling to melt the last of the snow and I feel lighter. The way that one does in spring. I see myself getting up from the couch and I am wearing capri pants and a tshirt. I will go outside to say hello to the neighbours when the sun comes out. The kids will run up and down the street while the grown ups comment on how hard this winter was.

I open my eyes. The hard winter is still out there. It was -46 this morning, -50 on the weekend. Global warming has missed this place.

Maybe it’s wishful thinking or a sixth sense. Spring has to come. Everyone here is bone weary of the cold and losing our enthusiasm for defending why it is we stay where it seems no sane person would. It’s not always this bad, I insist, and it isn’t.

It may yet be -35 outside but I can tell – without the consult of a groundhog – that any minute now I will have opened my windows to enjoy the smell of rain pitpatting down on stubborn pockets of snow.

The thought of it takes my breath away. I will get it back when the time comes to take in the crisp clean air of a spring morning. Then I will lose it again from the joy.

I do aspire to post here and here daily as well as here no less than once a week. I aspire to do so. I also aspire to brush my hair every day and eat my fruits and veggies. Not everything comes together the way I’d like, though. Because there are only 24 hours in a day.

Whose idea was that?

I really appreciate those of you who still stop by to see if I’m around and really super appreciate those who leave comments. You have no idea how much it means to have people say hi. It’s like oh lookie! it’s not dead! the website, it lives after all!

Thanks to you lot!

I’d say more but I’ve got soup to prepare and madness to undertake. The day just goes and goes no matter what I think or do or say about it.

A mother’s work is never done. That old line is right on target.

Also, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat.

As is that one. It’s just not right to piss on the seat and leave it.