i am trying to get new items up at my etsy shop but have to confess that it’s not happening at anything near a respectable pace. i’ve got a few things ready for sale but haven’t had the time to photograph or list them. i hope to get to that tomorrow afternoon – in between loads of laundry.

all living happens between loads of laundry.

the thing i am most excited about, handmaking-wise – is lip balm! i’m ordering my ingredients this week and will start creating as soon as able. i hope to add some bath and body product to my store before too long. i’m going to sit down on tuesday to order a ton of supplies and i just can’t wait! anticipate a luscious pink grapefruit lip balm and a creamy eucalyptus and mint bar soap.  yum!

today i’d love to be card making but we’re going to dinner at dan’s sister’s to celebrate his parents 60th anniversary. well worth the outing! i should be leaps ahead on laundry but i spent all afternoon on the phone trying to get my text messaging working. still not sure that it is, though. blah.

also, grape! lip balm! i think so!

i’m a breath holder. like, most of the time, i don’t breath out. so what i do, then, is i breath in and hold my breath, not letting it out. i breath in, you see, but then not so much with the out. it’s like living in a constant state of being on the edge of my seat. waiting for the next thing to happen. and then the next thing after that. and after that. until, oh, i’ve been holding my breath for fifteen years, duh!

the movie waiting to exhale describes my very existence.

about ten years ago i recognized this breath holding inclination and did away with it. i was all, hey, wait, breathing out is seems pretty essential, no? and yes, it turns out, was the answer i came up with. and once i had this epiphany i set about with the practice of complete breathing. both the in AND the out.

oh but ho! that’s not easy! after so much of the one way breathing the path going the other way was rock covered and virtually impassable. every breath i asked to vacate my lungs led to anxiety! and strife! and anxiety! and oh my god the anxiety! kick me in the shins! i long for the distraction!

the thing about breathing out is this: that’s when your body relaxes.  try it. breath in and then when you breath out notice how your muscles loosen up. if you let them. if you don’t exhale your muscles remain at the ready! fight or flight! mostly fight! grr! 

so finally i got the whole business sorted, those ten years ago or whatever and was going on rather nicely when BOMB! children. which meant sleep deprivation, the drive for perfection and a lot of fucking laundry!

breathing, you say? what’s that now?

because i forgot! all about it! i went from perfectly nice breathing both directions to holy crap , what’s all this, help! tension! EDGE OF MY SEAT!

i’d like to tell you that relearning that which i already relearned once would be easier the third time around. har har, no. it’s still hell on skates to let all of the air out of my lungs because my lungs just don’t understand what i’m doing. more to the point, the rest of me is stark raving clueless! the whole time i’m telling myself hey don’t you remember? last time? you were fine. it’ll be okay!

while my heart races and crazy tries to jump on my throat to make this stupid breathing stop!

sigh!

but the fact is, i do know it’ll be okay and that is the nice thing this time around. i don’t know why i hold my breath but a lot of people do it. it’s what i do when i’m concentrating. just a habit. no deep dark secret. it speaks of no childhood angst. my childhood was angst free. except for that i had two brothers but this isn’t their fault.

much as i like to blame them for things.

anyfreakingway, i’m breathing out and positively burbling but i’m getting there. in, OUT, in, OUT, in, OUT. you get the picture. once i do reacquire this essential habit i’ll be the picture of calm and wellness. in fact, there’ll probably be daisies actually flying out my butt, for reals this time. now won’t that be something to see? dang.

Jacob had pajama day at school. All three of the grade two classes dressed in pajamas and were allowed to bring a stuffed animal for the day. They could also wear robes and or slippers, as they saw fit.

I was worried this morning when Jacob said he was going to take Purple Puppy along for the day. Purple is Jacob’s favorite sleeping stuffie . His love for this dog is fierce and while I was concerned he might lose him, I was more concerned that some of the other boys might make fun of him.

Turns out I had no reason to worry. Out of three classes only two children did not bring stuffed animals. Safe to assume these were both boys but nonetheless, many many many boys did bring their favorite stuffies. There were no false displays of bravado. Little boys can still be little boys, thankfully. This lends hope for the future state of things, I think.

Jacob has got one friend who refused to wear his pajamas and most certainly did not bring a stuffed animal. Doesn’t even own one, in fact. He also refuses to dress up for halloween and experiences great anxiety over being asked to wear a nice shirt for the christmas concert. I’m not sure where he gets it. Maybe his far older sister made fun of him once and now he’s paranoid. Maybe his dad is really shy about stuff too. I don’t know. But last night I worried that this boy was the grade two standard and that my won would be the only one to show up with a toy he loves to cuddle. The very idea made me sad not only for my own child but also for the general condition of the world at large if little boys have given up hugging soft things by the time they are seven. Lucky for us all, this child is an anomaly – and I am sad only for him.

Jacob: (on seeing a clean carpet) oh, was the maid here today?

Me: no.

Jacob: Oh, well how did the -

Me and Dan: -

Jacob: Oh, you did it! Oh!